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Part 30
It’s strange how intimate and awkward the most mundane things – things you do every day without giving them even a moment’s thought – can be when you suddenly no longer do them alone. Like brushing your teeth.
I’m currently in Alec’s bathroom, doing just that, with Alec right next to me, doing the same. He had an unused toothbrush around somewhere, which is now mine. I’m not even trying to grasp the concept of having my own toothbrush at Alec’s apartment. That is just…above and beyond anything I’m capable of dealing with right now.
So, we’re brushing our teeth. And I feel…I don’t know, vulnerable, I guess. Incredibly, incredibly vulnerable actually. And embarrassed. I don’t even know why. I mean, brushing your teeth is pretty much the most ordinary thing there is. It just doesn’t feel like that with Alec staring at me through the mirror.
I know he’s staring at me, even without looking. I sneak a peek and sure enough, he’s watching me. His scrutiny makes me feel even more uncomfortable, heat creeping up my neck, but I force myself to hold his gaze.
It’s another baby step. A step towards feeling a tiny bit less uncomfortable with openness and intimacy and everything else that belongs to a normal relationship. A step towards being able to just feel.
Alec is the first to break eye contact when he rinses his mouth and toothbrush, splashing some water in his face. Once he’s done, I follow suit. Once I’m done washing my face, Alec hands me a towel. I dry my face and Alec heads towards the bedroom with me following him.
“Do you want one of my shirts to wear for the night? It’s probably more comfortable than anything you’re wearing right now.”
I nod and Alec turns around to rummage through his dresser. I begin to strip off my clothes and by the time Alec finds a clean shirt and turns around I’m already undressed. But to my surprise, he doesn’t react like he normally does upon seeing me naked. No hungry looks roaming up and down my body, no smirk, no suggestive comment. He just hands me the shirt, barely even looking at me, and then begins undressing himself.
I’m slightly taken aback but I get over it quickly. Pull the shirt over my head and immediately take a deep breath. It smells so good. Alec sometimes smells like this.
And it’s soft. I mean, really soft. Come to thing of it, a shirt being this soft isn’t normal. Not unless you do something about it. Does he use fabric softener? Well, color me surprised. That’s the last thing I would have thought of Alec.
Actually, I can’t picture him at all while doing his laundry. It’s such an un-Alecy thing to do. I wonder if he can cook. I mean, he has to eat, right?
Once Alec has stripped down to his boxers he climbs into bed, holding the blanket up as an invitation to follow him. Before I can decide where and how to place myself, Alec pulls me into his arms. My head comes to rest on his chest, my cheek brushing the warm, smooth skin of his bare torso. I can hear his heart beat. Another incredibly intimate thing, I realize.
He presses a kiss to the crown of my head, actually managing to make me sigh because it’s such a sweet gesture, but he doesn’t say anything. Nor does that one innocent kiss lead to anything more…sinful.
After a few minutes I break the silence. I’m not tired enough to sleep and Alec’s behavior is just…strange. This is not what I’d thought he had in mind when he asked me to stay the night.
“Alec?”
“Mmm.”
“Can you cook?”
Looks like I took him by surprise. He takes a moment to reply. “Why do you ask?”
I shrug, suddenly feeling stupid. Me and my loud mouth…I should really learn to think before I open it. “I was wondering.”
“Um, yeah, I guess. Nothing too great though, just the basics. Enough to not starve or be forced to spend a fortune on restaurants and take-out if I want a warm meal every now and then.”
“What do you cook, normally?”
“You want to know what I cook?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“I’m curious.” And I am, but even more so I enjoy making him squirm. He’s stalling, which means that he’s not quite comfortable with the subject. It’s kind of nice, putting him on the spot after being on the receiving end of that so often.
Alec shifts slightly. “Meat,” he says.
“Meat?” I ask.
“Yeah. You know, steaks and…um, steaks.”
“What about side dishes?”
“What do you need a side dish for if you have a steak?”
I giggle. “You are such a guy. But seriously, you should expand your repertoire. You could exchange recipes with Logan. He makes a mean Lasagna, you know? His French Onion Soup isn’t bad either.”
I laugh but Alec tenses ever so slightly. I notice it, but just barely.
“How do you know that?” he asks, and there’s something in his tone…
I shrug, not quite sure what to make of his question. “I’ve sampled some of it.”
“Logan cooked for you?” Alec asks almost exasperatedly. Yup, there’s definitely something in his tone. Something quite unpleasant. Could it be jealousy? That thought pleases me more than it should.
“He didn’t cook for me,” I clarify. “He offered me food he already had when I was at his apartment once or twice.”
“How often were you at his apartment?”
“Not often.” I’m getting defensive. Why am I getting defensive? I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t do anything, actually. “Look, Logan was helping me with something, and then there were the fake documents I made for him and…those are the only two reasons I was ever at his apartment, actually. Okay?” I hope that that’s enough of an explanation for Alec and that he’ll just drop it.
“What was he helping you with?” Okay, so maybe he’s not dropping it.
“It’s nothing,” I tell him, knowing exactly that he won’t be satisfied with that answer.
Silence. Alec doesn’t reply, or react in any way at all actually. He’s upset, I can tell. And let’s be honest, can I blame him?
Outside of telling him about Max, I never once revealed anything at all relevant about who I am or why I’m here. I know far more about him than he knows about me. Not exactly fair. I can’t really blame him for trying to even the scale, now can I?
“I’m looking for a friend. I know that she lives here in Seattle, or at least did until recently. I’m hoping that she’s still in the city. But I don’t have an address or anything else and I wasn’t getting anywhere alone, so I asked Logan for his help since he has a lot more recourses, being Eyes Only and all.”
“Wait a minute, you know about that?” The surprise of that seems to make Alec forget that he was giving me the silence treatment.
“You mean Logan being Eyes Only? Yeah, I sort of stumbled across that piece of information accidentally.” Alec doesn’t ask for details and I’m glad. Seeing how I found out about Logan by dreamwalking Max makes it sort of hard to explain the whole thing without lying or mentioning alien powers.
And while I’m willing to open up and tell Alec more about myself, I’m not ready to reveal the whole alien-thing. Maybe I never will be. After all, I’m pretty sure that in the long run, Alec is better off not knowing. The members of our exclusive little club haven’t exactly been on the lucky side of things in the past two years. I don’t want to drag Alec into that mess. He has enough to deal with with the whole transgenic mess.
“So, how did Logan react to you finding out about his little secret?” I can’t see Alec’s face, but I know exactly that he’s smirking. Bet he would have just loved to be a fly on the wall during that conversation.
“Denied it. Pretty amateurishly, if I may say so. I would have expected someone who leads a double life to be a bit better at lying.”
“You took him by surprise.”
“I guess.”
“Any luck so far?”
“Luck?”
“With the search for your friend.”
I sigh. “No, not really. I know where she used to work and what bar she used to frequent, but that’s pretty much it. It’s like she just vanished off the face of the earth.”
We’re both silent for a moment. “Can I ask you something?” Alec asks.
“Sure,” I say. Ask away. No guarantee that I’ll answer though.
“What’s your last name?”
I’m stunned silent for a moment. Well, look at me. I’ve been better at being elusive and mysterious than I’d realized.
“Parker,” I tell him. “My last name is Parker.”
“And Liz is short for Elizabeth?”
“Yeah.”
“When’s your birthday?”
“October 17th.”
“Year?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Just wondering if sleeping with you is technically a felony.”
I snort. “2003,” I say after a moment’s hesitation. I wonder how Alec is going to react to that piece of information. I have no idea how old he is but I do realize that he’s probably quite a bit older than me, a few years at the least. Will that bother him?
“Seriously?” he asks. “I thought you were older. Hmm, so you’re not even eighteen yet. Does that make having sex with you a crime?”
“Would that change anything?” I ask, almost getting defensive.
“Yeah,” he says, and my heart stops for a moment. “It would be a real kick to break the law that way.”
I laugh, despite myself. “You’re impossible,” I scold him, but I end up sounding more amused than exasperated.
“I try.”
I roll my eyes even though he can’t see me. “Men,” is all I say before sighing exaggeratedly.
“So, what was that about you faking documents for Logan?” Looks like we’re done with the interrogating-Liz part of the night. I wonder to what other parts we’ll get.
“Oh, that. Well, the guy he normally uses skipped town or something and he couldn’t find anybody who didn’t completely suck at it, so I offered to do it.”
“Did he pay you?”
“Yeah.”
“How much?”
“Five hundred for a fake passport and a birth certificate.”
“And you’re good?”
“If you’re going to insult me we can just go to sleep,” I tell him, only slightly offended by his question.
Alec chuckles. “You know, you can earn five times as much on the black market for that kind of thing. Where’d you learn how to fake documents anyway?”
“I’m a natural.”
And he’s smirking again. How do I know? Please. It’s Alec.
“So, interested in earning some nice money with that? I know a few people who might be interested, have a few contacts that could find more. Now that the number one supplier is gone there’s bound to be excessive demand. Could be a pretty sweet deal.”
I think about it. Money is always an issue, seeing how I don’t have a job and am on my own. I can’t really say no to that kind of opportunity, now can I? Then my eyes narrow.
“What’s in it for you?”
“For me?” He actually sounds surprised. “Well, now that you mention it, I guess I would deserve a provision for all my hard work.” The tone of his voice drops half an octave. “You could pay me in naturals.”
Ah, finally, there he is. The old Alec, suggestive comments, a dirty mind steadily in place and everything else that goes with the package. I was getting worried.
“In your dreams,” I tell him, smirking myself. Must be contagious.
Then…nothing. No actions follow his comment…no hands sliding over my body seductively, no mouth slowly necking its way towards mine. He doesn’t move a single damned muscle.
It’s frustrating in a way, but at the same time I’m really enjoying it. There haven’t been a lot of occasions of us running into each other, deliberately or not, that didn’t end up with Alec and me in bed…or in an alley…or on the kitchen table. It’s nice knowing that he enjoys my company even without us getting physical, that just talking is enough sometimes.
Hmm, now that I think about it, the only times we actually didn’t have sex were the times we ended up fighting. Not that that always meant an exclusion of sex from the rest of the night’s events…quite the opposite in most cases actually. But sometimes the fighting would go beyond our usual necking and sex would be out of question. Like the last time we ran into each other in TC.
I inwardly shudder at the memory. I never felt farther apart from Alec than in the moment he turned and walked away from me that day. It’s scary, how badly I never want to feel that way again, how badly I never want to give anybody the possibility of walking away from me and leaving me again.
But the only way to avoid even the slightest possibility of that happening would be to walk away first.
Considering those options, I’d rather take my chances with Alec.
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